have a sip of tea - life at first step up

life at first step up.

was it adopted?

or born into the life by blood?

did it grow up with its kin—

or with the family it built from the ashes of the bones of longing?

did it ever leave what it once called home,

only to return years later to the ruins of what it left behind?

to find everything changed—

or worse, unchanged?

is it still the same person underneath?

or have the layers peeled so far back that even the mirror turns its face?

it searched the world for peace—

but found it in the least expected place:

online gaming.

before it came,

it chased bánh mì dates along coastlines,

ran after temporary thrills,

mocked others for being petty,

but it was being the victim to its own bs and disasters,

it created,

& making excuses for why others didn't want it.

& it was dodging the truth— that sometimes a rejection

is just a no,

plain and simple.

& that rejection?

it wasn’t punishment.

nor an exorcism.

each it who walked away

was pulling out a piece that didn’t belong.

every no was a mirror,

reflecting the rebirth it hadn’t done.

& maybe,

just maybe,

all of that chasing, mocking, escaping—

wasn’t about anyone else.

it was escaping,

distracting it

from what it had to step up for.

because while all of that was happening,

it was also trying to hold up another person’s world—

caretaker, fulltime.

while the world outside battled an invisible virus,

it battled its own bs within.

it fought back at work to defend its worth like wonder woman for itself,

but it didn’t always show up the same way for others.

it fell for a phoenix—

blinded by the burn,

excuses the words it shouldn't have,

looked away when the knife was drawn.

& when the stab came for it,

it expected others to clean the wound and patch the bleeding.

if devotion had wings,

it would never forget where its home is.

but it forgot.

& in that forgetting—

that was the step up.

its spring wasn't a season to foster dreams,

but to shattered them...

& it did so willingly.

it once promised "forever",

but then—

it made empty promises.

if silence can whistle through the night,

then silence has spoken.

silent but deadly,

just like the three little dots...

...

but now it drives together with its raving phoenix,

down an empty street

lined with shadows of what almost was.

& what does it miss most?

it missed the way it once view the world—

before it knew too much to believe in it.

ignorance was truly bliss then;

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#createtogether #haveasipoftea #lifeatfirst #lifeatfirststepup