Hohoho Merry Christmas - Unseen Walls: Family Dynamics, and Unfiltered Friendship

Taking accountability for one's actions is emphasized by some, while others question why there are numerous people seeking friendship without reciprocation. Jealousy can rear its ugly head, and engaging in comparisons is, in itself, a poisonous mindset. Developing a close relationship with parents, like mine, requires continuous effort and work. And have its price. It's not a magical process; it demands commitment. Many parents carry deep burdens, often unfamiliar with addressing mental health, and pride can overshadow what truly matters. Parenting isn't a magical process; it involves dealing with deep-seated issues and pressures from their time. Mental health wasn't a recognized concern back then or even now for some. Breaking generational trauma is urged, but the burden of change is substantial. Communicating these ideas is challenging; despite efforts to explain, change is a demanding task. The emphasis on face, pride, and comparison persists, making it difficult for them to prioritize what truly matters. The challenge is not just lifting their burdens but reshaping deeply ingrained perspectives. Parents often find joy in showcasing and comparing their children, but this pride comes with its own burden. Breaking the cycle of generational trauma is a common goal, but the effort required is substantial. Communicating these intentions is easier said than done. While we can express and explain, bringing about change in them demands significant work. Shifting their mindset proves to be a weighty challenge. My effort to break generational trauma is daunting, requiring effective trolling, which isn't always easy; similarly, when asked to wear a mask and the subsequent events that unfold pose a parallel challenge.

While others are busy showering the season with a plethora of material gifts, many inquire about what I plan to give. I candidly tell them, "Nothing." The shock on their faces is priceless. "Why?" they ask, accusing me of being a terrible daughter. I just shrug and say, "I don't care. I do what I want. My parents will eventually learn that my way of teaching them is: material is nothing but material. It's the thought that counts, right?" And while some individuals prioritize material gifts during the holiday season, but I choose to emphasize the intangible. My approach doesn't imply it's the right way for everyone; you need to discover what works for your family, including how you handle gifting. While others may be surprised, I believe teaching my parents that material possessions are secondary is crucial. Extended family members may desire costly or budget-friendly gifts, but the value of the quality time you invest often differs. Breaking down pride, face, and similar barriers is a significant task. It's a gradual process, not a quick fix. Just as it took years to shape them, it will take time to tear down those walls. Spending quality time together, sharing meals, cooking, watching their favorite shows even if I have no idea why it is so funny, just laugh, and traveling with them are ways to connect, which I am planning on doing more in 2024, but material gifts aren't part of the equation.

I am the best gift – the presence that matters most. Traveling far and wide to see them is a gift itself. Money is transient, but memories endure. The priority should be creating a stress-free home, not adding more burdens after long hours of work on your plate. Resisting the urge to compare, especially when others appear to receive more, is crucial, as such comparisons can be poisonous. You can't genuinely understand the challenges another family faces, even if their online presence or behavior suggests otherwise. If someone claims their family is flawless and trouble-free, they're likely not being truthful. No family is without problems; each has its own set of challenges. It's a lengthy process of breaking down pride and cultural expectations. Every family dynamic is unique; there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Trial and error, standing one's ground, and explaining reasons are crucial, even if parents may not immediately understand. Our parents make stupid mistakes; words can be hurtful. Balancing this effort with personal happiness is essential, knowing when to pause or adjust strategies. If you ever feel overwhelmed, it's crucial to stop immediately. Don't waste energy talking to a wall; your health matters too.

Don't waste your energy talking to a dead wall. If you're not in a happy place, it's challenging to radiate positivity to others, including your parents or kids. Breaking through cultural and generational differences is difficult. Our generation, and the next one, operates differently like you're so lit! Tough love has evolved beyond hitting and yelling. Different generations and cultures pose challenges in breaking ingrained patterns. Just like tough love now means understanding and supporting diverse interests, but it goes beyond mere acceptance. It involves learning and evolving, finding shared activities or hobbies that foster connection. Tearing down generational trauma goes beyond merely accepting that your kids want to pursue art. It involves continuous learning and adjusting. Understand what works and what doesn't, adapting along the way. Is it discovering a shared hobby, traveling, gaming, gardening? You have to explore and find what truly works for your family. Family extends beyond blood, sometimes chosen. Eventually, one may find themselves parenting their parents, completing the intricate cycle of relationships.

On the otherhand, in friendships, I believe people are unique and have their own quirks. I love my friends in my own way, and they express their love in their unique ways. My door is not always open; if it's closed for you, that's final. Accepting new one is a complex decision for me, not easily earned, as I might not have the energy for it. I prefer my actions to speak for themselves; explaining everything is exhausting. Every version of us, including the one that removes you from my life, is genuine. If I welcome you into my life, but you cross a line, you become invisible, period. I'll wish you the best, but once it's over, it's final, regardless of attempts to resolve it. Many individuals in my life who sought to betray me no longer exist, and this will remain true until my last breath.

In my passing, I wish for peace and happiness, and I kindly ask that you refrain from visiting my gravesite. You might mend things elsewhere, but not with me – that's been clear from day one. It may seem strict and tough, but so is the nature of my friendships. Once a friendship crosses a line, it's over, no matter who tries to mend it. It may appears stringent, but so is my approach to friendship. When you're my friend, it's a ride-or-die commitment. I'll do everything within my power worldwide to help, even if we're no longer friends. I'll seek to assist and then let you be. Christmas during the holidays is like cuffing season for joy, with Santa mastering the art of chimney descent (including yours!) or swiping cookies like a festive bandit, and him hoing around. Meanwhile, you're either glued to the TV or engrossed in a book, all while sipping on hot chocolate, coffee, or eggnog—because, let's be honest, the real magic is in enjoying those tiny moments, one cup of hoing around at a time!

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#jealousyofhoingaround #generationalofhoing